The OneShot Times
by Shrink To Be
Summary: A series of drabbles and conversations; various genres and writing styles, but always, always, always Howince. :
1. The Dress Up Times

**AU: **I have a few ideas for short drabbles and conversations so I thought I would post them like this :) It's a work in progress and I'll be adding to it at random intervals over the summer. Each chapter is a different drabble. Howince all over the place, but nothing too mature :)

**Chapter Summary:** Howard is stuck, Vince is revealing.

**The Dress-up Times.**

Howard was stuck on a rather tricky crossword puzzle, and when Vince flounced into the room it did nothing to improve his mood.

"Would you mind leaving me in peace, Vince? I'm trying to stretch the boundaries of the written word."

"Are you trying to write fanfiction again, Howard? That's hardly stretching boundaries."

"No, I'm not, Vince. Shut up. It's a crossword, if you must know," Howard snapped.

"What one are you stuck on?"

"Not that you'd be able to help, but it's 'social occasion for disguises', ten letters. Now would you kindly waltz out of here and let me work?"

"That's hardly work, is it Howard? All you've got to do is write down a few letters in the gaps provided – anyone could do it!"

"_You_ couldn't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you weren't exactly gifted with brains, were you Vince?"

"Shut your pie-trap, I'm well smart, me!"

"You've hardly got two brain cells to rub together," Howard grumbled. "Wait, I've been in there. I know for a fact that you only have one brain cell, and even _he_ is a simpleton."

"Don't be ridiculous, Howard, no-one can survive with only one brain cell."

"Well you do."

"Nah, you've got it wrong. They must have been playing dress up again, or something."

"Dress up? You've gone wrong…"

"They get bored of the mirror ball suit all the time. Sometimes they fancy pretending to be rock stars, security guards, saucy receptionists- even weather reporters!"

Howard started to feel slightly queasy at this.

"They like dressing up. They treat every day like a big party. It's genius." Vince looked expectantly at Howard.

"You know," the younger man continued, "they're _masqueraders_."

Howard's face was blank as he ogled Vince, trying to understand what his point was.

"They treat my brain like a never-ending _masquerade._" Vince assured Howard, who retains his gormless expression.

"Oh forget it," Vince muttered, bitterly. "You never do get hints." He stormed out of the room.

Slowly, Howard turned back to his crossword, shaking his head at Vince's strange behaviour.

The next day when he got the paper, he looked found the answer to the clue.

_Masquerade_.


	2. The Eye Times

**The Eye Times.**

"Howard?"

"Yes, little man?"

"You know those black bits in eyes…?"

"Pupils, Vince."

"Yeah, those things. Do your pupils ever get claustrophobic?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, your eyes are quite small. Do they ever have mini-strikes about worker conditions?"

"Sometimes."

"Really?"

"Yes. Like now. It feels like they've set fire to my corneas."

"Your what?"

"Never mind."

"Poor things… are they stuck there then?"

"Oh no, Vince, they go out."

"Yeah?"

"At night. They go to… eye-bars."

"Like iPods?"

"Exactly, Vince."

"Genius!"


	3. The Sleepy Times

**The Sleepy Times.**

"I'm sleepy."

"So sleep."

"Can't."

"Won't?" Howard raises his eyebrows, which causes Vince to huff.

"Don't pout," Howard chastises.

"Don't you like it?"

"What?"

"Pouting."

"No."

"But what else can I do?"

"Sleep!"

"Can't!" counters Vince. This causes Howard to do what can only be described as a 'face-palm'.

"Why not?" Howard asks.

"I don't want to," Vince whines. Howard knows he's going to be stuck in this state of half consciousness for most of the night unless he asks:

"How come?"

"I don't want the day to end."

Howard hummed at this.

"What do you think?" questions Vince.

"I don't," Howard retorts, lethargically.

"What do you mean?" Vince half sits up in his sleeping bag, "You always think." He says, "You're like the Queen of the thinking world."

"The Queen?" Howard objects, "I'm very masculine, thank you very much."

Vince laughs at this and lay back down on the floor of the hut.


	4. The Nightmare Times

The Nightmare Times

"We're trapped, Howard!"

"What should we do?"

"We're gonna have to dig."

"You can't _dig_ out of a well, Vince."

"Sure you can."

"No, you can't. Plus what would we dig with?"

"A spade."

"We don't have any spades!"

"I thought you were a 'Man of Action'? What's a man of action without his spade?"

"I- err- had to use it to fight off an imp."

"I didn't see any imps."

"You thought it was Leroy."

"You mean it wasn't Leroy we pushed off that cliff?"

"No."

"Oh."

"What have you got against Leroy anyway?"

"Nothing…"

"Come on Vince, you can tell me."

"… He's got better straightener's than me."Howard looked horrified.

"I think I saw him on the front cover of cheekbone actually…"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Vince woke in a cold sweat.

"What? What's wrong, Vince?" Howard burst into his room and rushed towards the younger man.

"L-L-Leroy…"

"What happened?"

"He won the 'straighter hair than Vince' award…"Vince sobbed into his duvee.

"He- what?"

"Cheekbone gave him a prize and everything."

"Ssh… it was only a dream."

"It was so real!"

"I know, I know."

"He doesn't really hair better hair products than me, does he Howard?" he asked, slowly drying his eyes.

"No, little man, of course not…"


End file.
